Recipes for Disaster: an anarchist cookbook

cer games and so on. People were a little slow to show up at our convergence point, and we had to really hurry to get the routes divided up and set out in time. Six vehicles went out, two to three people in each, and a few pairs of bicyclists too; routes were chosen according to level of risk of the areas, level of experience of the participants, and distinctiveness of the vehicles. There were a few situations in which our delivery people were intimidated by police cars circling on their nightly beats, but every box in town was hit and nothing went wrong. A couple of hours later, the vehicles had all completed their circuits, and their occupants, on bicycles or on foot, were working on the driveways of the suburbs.

The next day, we walked about and saw people everywhere gathered around copies of our newspaper, laughing and pointing things out. The paper we had focused most on wrapping printed a peevish complaint on the editorial page, citing some other examples of direct action around town that would never otherwise have gotten coverage! All in all, it seemed like such an easy and effective project that most of us felt that, were we able to raise the money, we should do it every weekend.

Newspaper Wraps

Non-Monogamous Relationships

... or two! Well, don't expect this text to be of much assistance?every relationship is different, and there is no system, no perfect procedure, guaranteed to make any one "work." Besides?being non-monogamous, one might say, is about dispensing with protocol, not trying to make relationships "work" according to any standard: accepting them as they are and as they change. All the same, one can't deny that some approaches and behaviors tend to result in healthy dynamics, and some don't; and since most of us didn't grow up with many good examples of non-monogamous relationships to learn from, the more we discuss and compare our experiences the better-equipped we'll be to chart this unknown territory together. Shaking off conventional pair-bonding programming is nothing if not a first step toward being able to be good for others and help them be good for you.

So You Want to Have a Non-Monogamous Relationship. .

At least three people Ingredients

The first thing to emphasize is that being non-monogamous is not a way to sidestep the need for honesty in a relationship. If anything, it's a way to promote honesty. Monogamy, not in individual instances but as a monolithic expectation in a constraining culture, discourages honesty by punishing any desires or truths that fall outside the traditional romantic model. Non-monogamy is intended to open a space in which honesty is possible, but it also depends on honesty to make such a space possible at all.

Instructions

Being f-fonest in a Dishonest World

This is not to set a new rule, that all lovers must share everything with each other, detail by detail; but share whatever you agree to share, and be clear about what you need, too, including what you need to be sure you'll be able to be honest. The whole idea of being involved without attempting to impose a template upon your relations is to be able to be what you are without lies, guilt, or dissembling. All the same, many of us who grew up struggling in the monogamy model still retain all the bad habits we learned from it: dishonesty, shame, avoidance, fear. Even when we're in a relationship that provides room for our "dangerous desires," we tend to wnreck that space by not trusting it and thus losing the trust that sustains it. Push yourself to be honest, always?^with honesty, you can have everything you want in the world, or at least all of it that the world can actually offer. If you can't be honest, try to work on that before you're involved deeply vrith others. Nobody should be involved with anyone that can't be relied on to share important truths?especially frightening ones.

Establishing Expectations

Non-Monogamous Relationships 398

Check in at the beginning of any relationship, or any interaction (like having sex for the first time) that puts the relationship on a new footing, about what your individual needs and expectations and comfort levels are, and make sure you've worked out a common understanding of them before you go any further. This will save a lot of headaches later! If your needs change, or it turns out you feel differently in a situation than you expected you would, it's nothing to feel guilty about?^but you'd do well to let your lover know about it. In fact, you'd probably do well to check in with your lovers occasionally regardless, just to make sure their feelings haven't changed without them recognizing or articulating it.