Recipes for Disaster: an anarchist cookbook

If you raise your voice at your companions, apologize explicitly as soon as you can, and try to work out the reasons you lost your head so you can avoid it next time. If one of them raises his or her voice at you and then apologizes, make it clear you accept the apology and harbor no grudge, and ask if there is anything you could do to help avoid this happening again. If no apology is offered, approach him or her in a non-threatening way and make it clear how important it is you discuss what happened. Check in with each other consistently?and not just in formal meetings, in which some members may feel intimidated?about how you're communicating and making each other feel. Solicit constructive critidsm, and take your companions' needs very seriously?^your collective depends on this.

Shouting at your companions is abusive, coercive behavior. Such behavior comes in subtler forms: sulking, sarcasm, insensitive teasing, refusing to participate in discussion, dismissing others' perspectives or needs. Forcing others to be the responsible ones?always being the one drinking, never considering others' needs until they remind you, never volunteering for tasks-?or to absorb the stress of your outbursts because you're too volatile for dialogue is also coercive. If you find yourself thinking it necessary to "get tough" with your comrades by raising your voice or acting in other rnijeawes ways that make them uncomfortable?or for that matter thinking that they somehow 201

deserve this treatment for something they have done!?^then make no mistake about it: you are becoming an authoritarian.

Make yourself accessible and approachable for dialogue at all times. You may not be able to tell what your companions are going through or need support in?or even that they're going through anything at all?just by watching from a distance; you have to be someone they know they can come to for support, someone they will want to come to no matter what's going on. This is important between all people, but especially so for a small group undertaking long-lasting, high-stress projects in close quarters. Don't get too comfortable in the role of supporter, either?^you need to be just as comfortable seeking support as offering it. When you are offering support, be sure you're receiving it from somewhere as well.

Lastly above all?make sure you're doing something you really want to be doing. This will make you more accommodating and good-spirited, and you won't feel like you need to be compensated for your activity like you do waiting tables or filing papers. If you really love the projects you're undertaking and the people you're with, you won't mind the challenges that come with them.

Protect Your Idealism

Collectives

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Part of acting collectively is not setting yourself up to be disappointed. Your faith in other human beings, your ability to believe that they can be responsible for themselves and each other, these are more integral to what you're doing than anything else?so be careful not to give people unnecessary chances to let you down. Learning how to assess exactly how much you can trust a person is an essential skill for those who would work cooperatively.

Likewise, provide for your own needs to whatever extent you are able. This might mean carrying toilet paper with you so when there's none in the bathroom at the squat you won't hold the whole squatting movement accountable for it, or showing up at a demonstration with a strategy of your ovra rather than waiting for instructions. Know

what you need and how to ask explicitly for it, but be self-sufficient and durable too. Enjoy developing these qualities in yourself, so you can consider it an exciting challenge when everything you counted on others to prepare for the big festival falls through the night before and you have to take care of it all on your own. This will be a lot healthier and more productive than feeling yourself a martyr crucified by the laziness and stupidity of an unfeeling world.

Ultimately, you should be able to thrive in any kind of environment or cultural context, and to be grateful for whatever people have to offer you, no matter how humble it may be?since in our networks outside the capitalist economy, where we've done away with notions of debt and duty, everything given is given only out of generosity. Approach everything in this way, and you'll be easy for everyone else to work with?not to mention you'll have a better time yourself.