"Nothing at all, my boy. Damn it all! why, no schoolboy of thirteen believes in that now. But there… So now you are in a temper with your God, you are rebelling against Him; He hasn’t given promotion, He hasn’t bestowed the order of merit! Eh, you are a set!"
Alyosha gazed a long while with his eyes half closed at Rakitin, and there was a sudden gleam in his eyes… but not of anger with Rakitin.
"I am not rebelling against my God; I simply ?don’t accept His world.’ " Alyosha suddenly smiled a forced smile.
"How do you mean, you don’t accept the world?" Rakitin thought a moment over his answer. "What idiocy is this?"
Alyosha did not answer.
"Come, enough nonsense, now to business. Have you had anything to eat to–day?"
"I don’t remember… I think I have."
"You need keeping up, to judge by your face. It makes one sorry to look at you. You didn’t sleep all night either, I hear, you had a meeting in there. And then all this bobbery afterwards. Most likely you’ve had nothing to eat but a mouthful of holy bread. I’ve got some sausage in my pocket; I’ve brought it from the town in case of need, only you won’t eat sausage…"
"Give me some."
"I say! You are going it! Why, it’s a regular mutiny, with barricades! Well, my boy, we must make the most of it. Come to my place… I shouldn’t mind a drop of vodka myself, I am tired to death. Vodka is going too far for you, I suppose… or would you like some?"
"Give me some vodka too."
"Hullo! You surprise me, brother!" Rakitin looked at him in amazement. "Well, one way or another, vodka or sausage, this is a jolly fine chance and mustn’t be missed. Come along."
Alyosha got up in silence and followed Rakitin.
"If your little brother Ivan could see this—wouldn’t he be surprised! By the way, your brother Ivan set off to Moscow this morning, did you know?"
"Yes," answered Alyosha listlessly, and suddenly the image of his brother Dmitri rose before his mind. But only for a minute, and though it reminded him of something that must not be put off for a moment, some duty, some terrible obligation, even that reminder made no impression on him, did not reach his heart and instantly faded out of his mind and was forgotten. But, a long while afterwards, Alyosha remembered this.
"Your brother Ivan declared once that I was a ?liberal booby with no talents whatsoever.’ Once you, too, could not resist letting me know I was ?dishonorable.’ Well! I should like to see what your talents and sense of honor will do for you now." This phrase Rakitin finished to himself in a whisper.
"Listen!" he said aloud, "let’s go by the path beyond the monastery straight to the town. Hm! I ought to go to Madame Hohlakov’s by the way. Only fancy, I’ve written to tell her everything that happened, and would you believe it, she answered me instantly in pencil (the lady has a passion for writing notes) that ?she would never have expected such conduct from a man of such a reverend character as Father Zossima.’ That was her very word: ?conduct.’ She is angry too. Eh, you are a set! Stay!" he cried suddenly again. He suddenly stopped and taking Alyosha by the shoulder made him stop too.
"Do you know, Alyosha," he peeped inquisitively into his eyes, absorbed in a sudden new thought which had dawned on him, and though he was laughing outwardly he was evidently afraid to utter that new idea aloud, so difficult he still found it to believe in the strange and unexpected mood in which he now saw Alyosha. "Alyosha, do you know where we had better go?" he brought out at last timidly, and insinuatingly.
"I don’t care… where you like."
"Let’s go to Grushenka, eh? Will you come?" pronounced Rakitin at last, trembling with timid suspense.
"Let’s go to Grushenka," Alyosha answered calmly, at once, and this prompt and calm agreement was such a surprise to Rakitin that he almost started back.
"Well! I say!" he cried in amazement, but seizing Alyosha firmly by the arm he led him along the path, still dreading that he would change his mind.
They walked along in silence, Rakitin was positively afraid to talk.
